Motherhood is a blessing ALLHUMDULILAH. May ALLAH bless everyone with it. The chubby cheeks, the innocent face, the shiny eyes, the heart warming giggles and the warmth of a baby in your lap are the hues of motherhood. They come as a life saver when the blues hit us.
Yes the blues of motherhood include unlimited diaper changes a day, sleepless nights, ante partum depression and postpartum depression, the life wrecking nausea, traumatic delivery, the painful recovery period and the rollercoaster of emotional imbalance. And than, one heart warming smile from your chubby cheeks and the blues melt away for a moment though.
Here are a few things i would like to share from my experience:
- Every pregnancy is different: Some of us have an amazing pregnancy that they literally breeze through it and their recovery, while some of us have a pretty hard time throughout and its for real. So if you cant stop throwing up and someone tells you to be strong about it, do not let it effect you because chances are the other person never knew the shitty feeling of nausea.
- Plan it when you are ready: So you got married last night and there the anties start eyeing you for chances of conception. Babies are cute but they are a big responsibility and no one but you are responsible for it. So please do not have a baby because of the societal and family pressures because in literal sense life as you know it, will change. All those people who will be bragging about the beauty of motherhood to lure you into it when you are not ready for it, later on, when you might be stuggling with it, will tell you to “grow up” because you are a mother now.
- The ante partum depression and post partum depression: Since your body turn into a continuous hormonal time bomb you get to experience a rollercoaster ride of emotions before and after partum. And its for real, i had it, and i dint get help because i never knew what is it and because everyone around me, insisted that i act in a certain way, because i am a mum now or these things happen. Yes they happen and are totally normal but you need to get help or atleast understand your situation and be gentle on yourself instead of crying through it and having the worst time of your life.
- Every baby is different: Every one is different,right from their birth. Please do not compare your baby with other babies. They all are different and have their own growth patterns and habits. Some of them eat well, some dont. Some have chubby cheeks, some dont. Some sleep through the night, some dont. Just because one baby or even million babies are acting in a society approved manner, your baby doesn’t have to act that way. No, this is not a competition, “who is the best baby in the whole wide world”. Just focus on keeping your baby happy and healthy.
- Take your time to recover: Not all of us get to recover quickly. It still stays painful for a while. You wish to hibernate, go hibernate. For me it took me almost a year to settle down physically and emotionally. No that pain of a raw cut never faded nor i forgot, when i saw my baby’s face, as claimed by many, i was still in “pain”. So relax and take your time to settle down and recover if you wish to have.
- Let the dads bond with the baby: It is a common practice in our society to suggest to a new dad to sleep in another room because the baby might cry at night or to leave the entire responsibility of the baby in mother’s hands who by the way is as much naive about parenthood as the dad. So even if a dad wish to take up his responsibility, he tends to avoid it under the silly societal pressures as if changing a diaper would take a toll on their pride. So dear society, they have a dad’s heart, let them bond with their children from the very begining.
- Normal people get baby fat which takes time to melt away: Not all of us are blessed with a metabolism which melts away every inch of fat. Some of us really have to work hard for it. Baby fat is real and it may take time to shed it off. No need to rush to a gym or diet, give your body some time to heal, take power food post partum and tell all the body shamers to find something better to do with their lives.
- Make or join a support group: If possible make or join in a support group of mothers with similar age group kids. The idea is not to get intimidated by what those mothers are doing for their children but to gain insights and share your motherly vows. For instance do not worry because all other babies in the group are ebf while yours is not. Its ok. As long as your baby is fed and you are able to maintain your sanity. Through this your baby will find his first pals and you will have a bunch of mommies who will have your back.
So all in all my two cents are: motherhood is a beautiful experience but it comes with its own challenges, every baby is different and every mother wants to do the best for their child. So trust your instincts and cuddle them tightly as babies grow up in a blink of an eye.